I'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side

I'm not a materialist but I am emotionally attached to many things. What other people would have thrown away I could have secretly treasured. It's not the real value but the memories they bring back to my mind. Often these sacred little things are hidden, unnoticed by outsiders even when they're right there in front of their eyes. But I know they're there. They're the evidence I need to prove myself that good things do exist.

I also realized that I have finally met like the right persons and I have even managed to befriend with all of them. And you know what? It's totally making me happy! Though I'm not sure if happiness is just an urban legend, so let's say it's making me satisfied with my life. But it's crazy how much my state of mind is depending on other people. But I do feel good about myself because I know for sure that I have friends who care for me. I feel as I matter.

But even though my current state of happiness I still have sudden feelings of desperation. And the gap has got bigger. It hits harder and faster, and it surely does feel like being hit. It's psychical. I don't have enough words to describe it, but it does feel like an heart attack; My heart's aching so much I would like to rip it off if I only could.