Thursday, August 17, 2006

For No Reason

For no reason I started to think about all my emotional stuff. Like my inability to forgive and forget. It's really ruining my life. Just one minute ago I read a word. It reminded me of this one case which happened for a very, very long time ago. It still makes me wanna cry and it still makes me very angry. Time does not erase my feelings, it only makes them bigger than they were in the first place.

I know that I like totally decided not to write any deep stuff here, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I know that once again somebody so very wrong reads all my postings and starts to hate me. That had happened before. It could happen again.

But sometimes my life is a mess. I do nothing but I still mess everything. At the moment I have this feeling that I have zero friends (probably true) and that Aleksi is not ever going to marry me even though we have been engaged for years and that my life is going to suck anyway no matter what I do. And less harm I make by doing nothing. And I will end up so very alone.

And stuff. I just wonder will I ever be truly happy with my life. I will always miss that something I can't have. Like life itself.

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