What happened to V.

I had a dream that V. started to chat with me via MSN Messenger. She told me everyday things, such as what she has been up to lately, and then she said that we should meet. And later we met in my school, though in my dream she studied there too. She was with her new best friend, and they asked me if I drink. I said that I'm a teetotaler, as I have always been. They exchanged looks and told me that they can't be friends with me if I don't drink. Even in a dream it was really bizarre.

I hate to admit it, but I still miss V. We used to hang out together in high school, but I'd say we become friends only after my graduation. I wanted to learn how to smoke and I asked V. to be my partner in crime. And as we smoked on the crag, watching sunrise, we became friends. Soon we started to hang out in playgrounds at nights, smoking and talking our hearts out.

I thought we were best friends, or at least she was my best friend. We chatted via MSN every day, and on Fridays we used to drink tea and smoke. I'm still not sure what happened, why we stopped being friends. Here is my take on it:

I always told her everything. She was my best friend, so naturally I wanted to share everything with her. But she never did the same. Even the biggest things she kept for herself. I was hurt when I found out that she had bought an apartment. I read it from her Livejournal! She hadn't even told me that she was looking for one. I felt that she wasn't appreciating our friendship and that I didn't matter for her.

And I was bothered that she never asked me to come over. She visited my place on a regular basis, but I had zero clue where she lived. I didn't want to intrude, so I patiently waited for her invitation. But it never came. At the time she was still living with her parents, so I understood why she rather spend time at my place. But I couldn't understood why she didn't wanted to show me where she lived. I knew that she had a lovely room and nice parents, so I couldn't figure out any reason why she would have not invited me over.

It was all these little things, really. It seemed that she was taking more and more space away from me. She wasn't online anymore, and since our communication was based on instant messaging, I though she didn't want to talk with me anymore. She got a job and she bought the apartment. Her life was changing and I felt that by avoiding me she wanted to tell me that I had no room in it. I could say that we grew apart, except it was only she who was growing.

She kept her distance, but I waited for her to contact me. I thought that if I give her little time, she will be back on her senses and remember how great friends we were. But then she complained on her Livejournal how she doesn't have friends she could go out with. I was insulted. We used to go out and have fun, it was because of her that we stopped doing those things. So how dared she to write those things? She knew I was going to read them too. I wasn't just sorry anymore, I was angry.

We met about six months later. She came to see our mutual friend's play. I started to talk with her and it was really nice. Just like in the good old days. I almost suggested that we should go to Ooster like we used to, and drink tea liked we used to, and smoke like we used to. But she had that arrogant look on her face. Like she couldn't bother less. I knew it was over.

***

This was just my side of the story. V's view is probably very different, but that I will never know. I have made new friends since, but there is no one to replace V. After all these things, after all these years, I still think she's the greatest friend I have ever had. I'm sorry that our friendship had to end.

What I got this year

This is traditional too. My third "what I got this year" list:

- Mop
- Hair dryer
- Towels
- Three Taika mugs (o,4 l) by Iittala
- Taika bowl by Iittala
- Suuri Toivelaulukirja 19 (sheet music)
- Optical mouse
- Random cosmetic products
- Pajama
- Wool yarn
- Pistachios
- Derwent Water Color set
- Two tank tops
- Chocolate!
- Nail clipper
- Socks
- Mug
- Eyes and noses for amigurumis
- Calendar
- Small wooden box
- Gift token to the Body Shop
- Free tickets to movies

I always get a lot of presents, but usually I get things I don't really need. So this year I decided to change the system: I wrote a simple wish list and passed it to my family members. I told them that the things on my wish list are only suggestions and they don't have to get me anything from the list if they don't want to. Of course I was a little worried that my family would find my list inappropriate, but on the other hand I thought it would be helpful for them too. I'm not the easiest person to give presents for. Now I'm really happy that I decided to write a wish list. I got such a great gifts: things I needed (such as the mop and the nail clipper) and things I wanted (for example the Taika mugs and free tickets to movies). I'm totally going to write a wish list for the next Christmas too!

Christmas tree

My sister's kids were visiting, and my aunt asked them to decorate the Christmas tree. But I said they were not allowed. They have their own Christmas tree, and I want to decorate ours. I know it's against Christmas spirit and everything, but I really wanted to decorate the tree by myself.

And I did decorate the tree. My mom had bought some new ornament balls. They were silver and red, but we had some old golden ones too. I used them all, even though I knew my mom would hate it. She's not a fan of Christmas decorations, so she wants to keep things simple. And mixing silver, red and gold is not "simple".



I couldn't get a decent picture of the tree. The lighting was all wrong. But I thought that any picture is better than no picture at all. Our tree is a little bit smaller than usually, and we don't have any fancy ornaments. I also took the traditional "stupid dog in a basket" picture, and this time I can post it too! So let me introduce Lissu, the most stupid dog ever:



I also took some pictures of our gnomes. They're absolutely hideous! And that's why I love them, they're so kitsch. I have no idea where they are from, but they're old.

Good morning!

It's Christmas eve and I just woke up. I was going to sleep really late, but it's impossible to sleep here. The others are making too much noise. They have no manners. Anyway. I realized that I have been neglecting my blog, but I have been too busy with Christmas presents, crocheting, spending time with J.R. and working, so I forgive myself.

But I'm going to make it up to you. So I started to work again. It's the same place, same job. And it feels like I never left there. When I visited my parents last weekend, I met my sister, and she said "who's so crazy that hires you". I'm sorry, sister, but I'm actually really good at my job, and the others appreciate my work too. Last Friday I accidentally bump into our CEO, and even he said that I'm doing a great job. He also asked if I was able to keep working for them, but I said that I can't. I'm studying now.

On Friday the CEO also gave me a bottle of red wine. It's was a firm's Christmas present for it's employees. I felt a little discriminated. They wouldn't give pork to a Muslim, would they? So why they are giving alcohol to a teetotaler? I don't approve alcohol. And now I'm stuck with a bottle of Santa Julia Magna I can't give to anyone, because it would be against my moral. Great...

And on Monday I had an tooth ache. Or actually it started on Saturday, but on Monday it became unbearable. The gum of my lower wisdom tooth was clearly inflamed and I decided to visit a dentist. And without a warning he removed my upper wisdom tooth. He said that the lower wisdom tooth is not having enough space because of the upper wisdom tooth, and that is causing the inflammation. But I'm just one lucky kid, I didn't feel any pain when he removed the tooth, and I didn't feel any pain after the operation either. And I mean nada! My cheek didn't even swell!

Goodbye holiday, welcome extra income

Yesterday I was excited because I thought my Christmas holiday was about to start. But as soon as I got out from my last exam, my ex-boss called me. She told me that they have a really bad situation at work and she was literally begging me to sacrifice my holiday. So instead of sleeping late and crocheting all night, I'm going to work my ass off. But I think it's going to be worth it... since now I'm able to double my Christmas present budget.

Today I went shopping with J.R. and I got almost all the Christmas presents. I still have to figure out what to give to my best friend, to my mom and to J.R. That's going to be hard since I have like zero ideas. Anyway. I love to wrap gifts so Christmas is like heaven. I usually use recycled or handmade materials, and this year was no exception. This is how I wrapped my gifts this Christmas:


I think my gifts will stand out nicely under the Christmas tree.

Come out and play

I normally get very nervous when I'm supposed to give presentations. I don't know why it happens. I don't have anything against performing, and usually I even like it. People have said to me that I'm quite natural when it comes to giving presentations. But that's only when my nervousness works for me.

See, when I'm nervous, I talk a lot. And that makes people think I know what I'm talking about (and usually I do, by the way). It also makes me crack stupid jokes, which is good, especially at school where presentations are typically dull. So when I'm nervous, I might end up giving a dynamic presentation.

But sometimes my nervousness doesn't work for me. Sometimes it doesn't work for me at all. Like today; We had to give a presentation on the future of the Internet. I had my part figured out and I was prepared to perform. I was nervous, but I thought it was a good thing. I don't know what went wrong. I just totally forgot what I was supposed to say. And I had notes! But I guess I wasn't so bad after all. I just wasn't as good as I should have been. Luckily the others don't know what awesome things they missed, it's just me who knows that I sucked.

One team gave us presentation on Linux. I listened carefully to find out were they for or against, it but they didn't have that kind of a view. They mostly talked about its history. I would have wanted to hear more about their personal experiences, but apparently they didn't reallyhave any.

It seems, as far as I know, that I'm the most experienced Linux user in our class. Last year I installed Ubuntu on my old laptop, and for several months I didn't use any other operating system beside it. So yeah, I learned some tricks... But I'm studying Business Information Technology, which means computers and stuff, so there should be other huge nerds too. Where are they hiding? I want them to come out and play with me.

Little Jellyfish amigurumi

I have had too many serious amigurumi failures lately. I should not neglect the yarn weight or pick patterns that are not well-made. Anyway. I finally crocheted something worth showing! Here's my new friend, Jellyfish:


I look cute... but don't touch my marbles.

The pattern was a bit different than what we're used to, but J.R. had no problems translating it to me. And I had no problems crocheting the Jellyfish according to his directions. By the way, when I say that J.R. translates the patterns for me, I don't mean that he translates them from English to Finnish. I don't understand patterns at all, not in any language, so J.R. "codes" them open for me. Here is a sample of the "Little Jellyfish" code:


The jellyfish is drawn by me. I obviously have a hidden talent.

I know that I should probably learn to read the patterns by myself too... but I think they're easier to follow in J.R's way. He tells me when to increase, when to decrease and how many stitches I should end up with. I get confused with words, but there's nothing confusing in numbers. They're so universal.

Spontaneous Ideas Hearts Extrovert

Last week I wrote a report for school. Our team's subject was "the Future of the Internet" and my job was to write about web 2.0, semantic web and some shit about browsers and standardization. And I'm not pleased how it turned out. I could have done better! But my team wasn't very motivated and it made me less motivated too. I had higher goal first but then it eventually lowed to passing the course. I know that I shouldn't have let my team mates to affect me... but I can't help the fact I'm generally lazy.

I remember writing earlier on my blog that I don't like team working. Well, I have changed my mind. I guess Laurea (that's my school) has brainwashed me by its fancy LbD. LbD stands for "learning by developing" and it basically means that we are supposed to learn by doing real things together. They are encouraging us to be authentic, experimental and creative. And that suits me: according to BBC's personality test, I'm an "innovator".

And innovators are "fun-loving, creative, sensitive people who enjoy developing their ideas by discussing them with others". They support the people around them, easily spot opportunities and recognize hidden potential in people. And get excited about new projects. I know it's just a silly test, but I think the result it gave me really sounds like me. (And I would totally like to hear what's your personality type!)

Since I have already babbled so much about school, I guess I can continue with the subject. So, today we had a router exercise at Data Network Architecture course. We had to configure Cisco router and make static and dynamic routings. I have no idea what that means, but I had fun while doing it. We had to use command-line interface, and I've liked that ever since my Ubuntu experiments. Pointing and clicking is just so boring compared to typing and executing commands. And in my opinion Cisco IOS was quite easy to operate and to understand.

By the way, my school year is coming to an end soon: Tomorrow and next Tuesday I have some presentations to give and some opposing to do. No big deal. And next week I have Swedish and Data Network Architecture exams. Then it's pretty much over. I have survived my first academic year at Laurea university of applied sciences. Hooray!