Higher and higher

Yesterday I went for a walk with J.R. I would have asked him to come over but Aleksi was at home so it wasn't really an option. But I'm glad it turned out that way since the weather was absolutely terrific. It wasn't raining, it wasn't windy and it wasn't cold. Just perfect for a little walk.

Eventually we found our way to a very nice playground. And since I'm obsessed with playgrounds I suggested us to go swinging, and J.R. was cool with that. I think there is something extremely meditative in swinging. You just swing up and down and up and down. As the world was really just that simple for a moment. Why do adults stop swinging? It's like the most relaxing thing to do and it's totally free of charge. Though you have to find some good swings first. They're not all made for adults, you know.

And J.R. was very quiet as usually. I remember how there was a time when it made me feel a bit awkward but nowadays I think I have totally got used to it. I know that when I'm with him I can talk if I feel like talking, or I can stay silent like he does. I gotta value that.

Single? Is that a fruit?

I need a place of my own. But it's not that easy. I still want to live in Leppävaara or somewhere near it. I know that someday my friends are probably moving far away from this place but I still want to stay here as long as this feels like home. I simply can't picture myself living anywhere else. These places mean things to me and they have a history. It's already enough radical to end a long-term relationship, I'm not ending anything else. Not right now.

Due to Aleksi's recent questions I have realized that I am single for the first time of my life. I was so young when we started to date that I never thought myself as a single back then. I was like just blooming and then Aleksi appeared. I was never actively seeking contacts with boys or anything. It just happened. Anyway. I'm finding this a bit difficult to handle. I'm NOT saying that I regret this break-up or anything. I just can't identify myself not being in a relationship since everything is still the same. We just don't do the things that we used to do as a solid couple.

And Aleksi told to his parents. He said they were cool about it. I expected the opposite.

Hoodieville

Yesterday I was bored so I went to Sello. I like to go there like one hour before it closes when it's a lot less crowded. Anyway. I end up buying a basic hoodie from H&M. It's black, obviously, and it has a metallic zipper. And I'm totally in love with it. I didn't remember how cool and comfortable hoodies can be. This is definitely my new favourite!



Smiley with braces :P

Fruity loops and deadly grunts

I've been longing for an easier way to make music and now I got FL Studio 7. I don't know if I ever manage to get anything good out of it since so far it has only made me feel super frustrated. Yeah. It has a very simple user interface and stuff, but sometimes, too often actually, it's not logical. And I want logic when it comes to software! I don't want to waste time thinking "why on earth this is behaving like this, this makes no sense". Or maybe I should just watch few tutorials more on Youtube.

Since this is already music related post...

On Monday my boss complained how her teenage daughter is wearing all black and listening to Korn. I don't know why but I interfered the conversation by saying that in my opinion Korn is like easy listening. Need I say that they didn't exactly agree with me? Anyway. I just meant to say that she could be listening to even more extreme music. For God's sake, my friend Hannes is listening to Korn, and he also likes shit like Neljä Ruusua! So in my head those belong to the same category.

And I have found two cool bands!

OK. To be honest I have known Anathema for weeks now. I tried it out because it was supposed to be death metal. But I didn't read how they've changed their style to alternative rock since. So I got the wrong album considering what I was looking for, but to my surprise I really liked this one song called "A Natural Disaster". But it wasn't until now when I started to like the whole album. It's like soulful and a bit electric.

And the other band is death metal, melodic death metal, to be precise. It's called Intestine Baalism and it's the kind of metal music I love most. Definitely not easy listening but totally worth trying if you happen to like death grunts and superior guitar playing and stuff. It's just awesome. Though I'm not sure what the lyrics are about. I'm not sure if they even are "lyrics".

PS: How to Appreciate Death Metal.

I like my coffee black just like my metal

Except I like tea. And death metal. But I hope you got the point.

I have been sleeping a lot lately. I go for a little nap after work but it's never just a nap. Normally I sleep trough the evening. I maybe wake up like 8pm when the day is already over. And yeah, I go to bed really late because I'm not exactly so tired anymore. I think I should try to make some sense to my sleeping routine. I don't know how long I can carry on like this.

And sleeping more is like the first sympton of my depression kicking in. I just sleep and then I start to feel like shit. So I should really cut this here. Though I have started to feel a bit teary too so it might be too late.

By the way, I'm blogging from work. But I'm on a break. And I'm drinking tea I made for myself. And now that I have nearly drank it I noticed that my mug got stains on it. But I guess it won't kill me.