When you look like a spirit animal

I've always disliked my hair. Well, not always but at least for over a decade. It's jus more impossible than impossible.

When my hair grows longer it also grows considerably thinner. It just refuses to grow. Sometimes I can even hear my hair laughing at me: "you think I'd grow long and pretty, think again muahahha". And it doesn't just get thinner, it also gets curly. But not like pretty, natural curly. No. It's like half messy curly, half straight.

I have never asked much from my hair. The only thing my heart really desires is something very, very low maintenance. I've always dreamed of hair that would not require much attention. Maybe little washing every now and then, little brushing, some ponytail occasionally. And while my hair kinda falls under the criteria of being low maintenance, it does't really fall under anything else. My hair, as it is, is not particularly pretty. I can't allow it to have its own way. I can't wear it open, and I simply can't leave it untouched if I am planning to go outside.

And in a way I am okay with that. I learned to use dry shampoo for my benefit, and got used to wearing the same loopy messy ponytail everyday, and I even managed to curl my bangs with a straightener every once in a while. It's just hair after all.

But on the other hand, it's not just hair. It's a bit more than just hair. It's a part of me that makes me feel less confident. So when I accidentally found something that could fix my hair problem and possibly make me feel a bit more confident, I naturally wanted to give it a go.

So now I have dreads. Not real dreads but synthetic ones. They are kinda like dread extensions for natural hair. I bought them from Etsy and put them on by myself. It was easy, though it took some Youtube tutorials and several hours of trials and errors... But couple things are true now. My hair is a lot more low maintenance and I do feel more confident with it.

I still need to wash my hair every now and then, and especially my bangs. But that's about it. It looks good as it is. I could wake up in the morning, not touch my hair and go to work. But one thing I discovered is that doing different kind of hairdos with dreads is kinda fun. I've never had thick hair so hairdos have been more or less pain in the ass. Everything looks good on Youtube and stupid and crappy on my hair. But with dreads it's different. I can do buns, braids and everything. I'm having more fun with my hair now than ever before.

Plus I look like a spirit animal now. I just need some antlers or something.

Moo for mirror sefie

I think the only real downside right now is the weight. They do weight. A lot. Not so much that it hurts. The weight does not make my head or neck ache. It's hard to describe, though I think it might be easy to imagine. Just imagine your hair being really bulky and weighting like couple kilos. It does not flow around in the wind, it anchors me down. I can feel the weight every time I move around, hair getting on my way like tiny ropes everywhere. It's annoying but at the same time it's totally worth it. And I can get used to it. Maybe. I think people get used to it since so many people do have dreads, and long dreads like mine too. We'll see.

It feels good to feel more confident though. I know my hair is completely crazy now, and they do generate some attention. But I don't mind. I'm used to being looked at. After all I am the girl who wears tiny denim shorts in the middle of the winter. The girl who runs around the office just for fun and makes all kind of funny noises. I was crazy long before this and now I just feel more complete. I am like head to toe crazy and it suits me. I look and feel more like me.

And it's good.