I hope you don't expect your money back

I think that my blog addiction is maybe going too far. I spend about 20 minutes every morning to read them. It doesn't sound much but hey, we are talking about my extremely busy mornings. But blogs has been part of my morning routine as long as I can remember. I just need to learn when to stop. It's a miracle that I have not yet been late for my work.

Speaking about my work... All the other extras are now gone. It feels pretty weird. It used to be so full of life and now it's just me and my boss. Today she said that she couldn't do without me but she was exaggerating a bit. Yeah, she's totally hopeless with Excel but it's not like hard to help her. It could be anyone. Anyway. So far I have found out that my new job is definitely more challenging and time consuming than I expected. But in a good way. It feels as I was working as a detective. There are certain clues to follow but sometimes you just have to trust your intuition.

So what I do: People order stuff but sometimes they're not happy with what they get. So they send stuff back. Sounds easy, right? It could be if they've attached a note which says who's sending the stuff back, what stuff and for what reasons and to which order is the returned stuff related to. They usually tell like one of those things and I have to find out the rest. Once I opened an envelope that had only one pink post-it with the stuff they wanted to return. And guess what the post-it said? "This product didn't met our expectations". That's nice... It's just a shame that I'm not psychic.

Meeting online buddies

I received a comment:

wow! friends from online
This sure is sounds exciting

what if the online friend is not in Finland with you? How far to travel would it be ok?

If you're a nerd there is nothing particular about having online friends. It's just part of the scene, and not even that exciting actually. But I wouldn't travel abroad for someone I've met online. Definitely not. I guess it wouldn't be even possible for me to click enough with some foreigner in the first place. You know, I only meet the special ones, the ones I feel truly connected with. I wouldn't meet just anyone.

I guess I should summarize my weekend then, since it was out of doubt something extra ordinary. I rarely leave my home for more than few hours at one time. So I traveled to J.J. who lives at Tampere. He moved there about a month ago and he's still a bit lost there too. Anyway.

On Friday I was simply hanging out at J.J. digs since I got there so late. We did watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest though which is a great old movie in case you have not seen it yet. On Saturday he made us waffles for breakfast. Isn't that a good service? He also cooked us traditional macaroni casserole (if you're Finnish you know what I'm talking about) and some killer pizza. I tried to help him with the cooking part but let's just face it: I'm hopeless and completely useless in the kitchen. It's just not my cup of tea, or my piece of cake, or whatever.

J.J. has started to play acoustic guitar so of course he needed to show off his new skills. Which is awesome since I happen to love acoustic guitar. It's pretty much the coolest instrument ever. No matter how crappy you play it, it always sounds great. I have nice pictures of J.J. actually playing the guitar but unfortunately he's quite hysteric over his anonymity so I don't dare to post any of them.

On Saturday we also go to the cinema. We chose to watch El Orfanato though I was afraid it might be too scary for me. I'm not good at handling anything scary, I get nightmares. Anyway. It was a good choise. It was a bit scary but not too scary for me to watch. Anyway. It was indeed a good movie, maybe even better than el Laberinto del fauno. I have not decided about that yet. So in this movie there is a family: a mother, a father and an adopted son with HIV. The mother brings them back to her childhood home which happens to be an orphanage. And it doesn't take long when the son starts to have invisible friends... and to everybody's horror one day he disappears without a trace. I know it sounds lame but trust me with this one. If you like Spanish movies, if you liked el Laberinto del fauno, and if you didn't find the Others too scary, this movie could be just for you.

On Sunday we slept late as you're supposed to do on Sundays. Then we walked to visit Elina. She still had like the most coziest apartment ever. I'm almost jealous. And I am jealous for her armchair. Like is there anything more comfortable to sit on than an old armchair? Seriously? And she had piled some glossy magazines next to it. It's irresistible. And Elina served us glögg which was like heaven after the walk in the cold weather. Anyway. We compared the sizes of our laptops which is something that girls do all the time... or not. And then I headed back to the railway station since it was already time for me to go home.

So it was a nice trip. It was nice for change to hang out with J.J. face to face and to get to know that side of him too. And it was indeed nice to meet Elina.

Is this the real life you're talking about?

I have an announce to make: I'm going away for this weekend. Later today I'm going to travel to Tampere where I will meet my best online buddy J.J. I'm hanging out with him till Sunday when I'm meeting my other online buddy Elina. So out of doubt this will be the most socially active weekend of my life. But don't you worry, I'm taking my laptop with me. Life is not getting me that easily!

Whoa a job offer!

I have not given myself much credit for my job. Of course I have always done whatever I have been ordered to do, and I have tried to do everything well. I have also been giving my helping hand whenever possible. Not to mention that I have tried to be nice to other employees too. But I could have done my job so much better. Especially when there was actually some real work to do. For example when the boys were still there we used to have breaks much longer than 30 minutes. It's crazy how no one ever complained about us.

So now my days at the stock are running out. All the shelves are empty and there is pretty much nothing to do. Our boss simply sends us home after five hours. Today she even said that we can't even go there tomorrow because there is absolutely nothing to do. And the next Thursday will be our last day there. Then it's over. All the stuff is sent to Sweden by then and we are officially useless. It's no wonder since it's already looking like this:



I have not stressed over my next job. I have enough money and I know that I can easily get a new job via Varamiespalvelu, which is a Finnish staffing service. But to my surprise my boss came to me today and started to ask me what I'm going to do after this job. It turned out that she is willing to keep me longer. Just me. It would be a totally different job in a totally different position but I said that I'm definitely interested. But the problem is that the place is really far. It would take over an hour to get there. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that but I take the place anyway if she still wants me. I'm not sure how long it would last or if I'm going to be paid more. She was in a hurry so I didn't have time to ask any further questions. But she did managed to say that it's indeed a very nice place and that most of the employees are male.

But isn't this a real life proof how being characterized as a nerd can be an extremely powerful tool when it's clear enough? I'm 100% sure that she asked me only because I have helped her with Excel as I have also helped others with Enterprise and with other weird programs they use there at the stock. I have slowly build my reputation and finally it led to this. She needs someone who could handle Enterprise so it's actually quite obvious that she came to me first. I have already proofed myself.

Next time try listening

I feel myself quite dumb now. Because Ubuntu comes with two default workspaces I tought that's like all you can get. I have even been complaining over it! And today I suddenly realized that you can actually have as many as you want. But how could I have known? It never even crossed my mind that you can go to the settings and set the number of workspaces you want. I think this is super cool because it's like the number one feature that prevents me switching back to Windows. I just got to have more space than just one lousy desktop.

Little while ago O. asked me to try out Queens of the Stone Age. And when someone kindly asks me to try something out, I really give it a try. Instead of just listening to one song like once and deciding not to like it because "it just didn't sound like whatever the crap I'm normally listening to", I choose one or two albums and then I really listen to them several times - with thought.

I didn't like Queens of the Stone Age at first. I felt as it was seriously lacking some edge and therefore I couldn't understand the point listening to it. But I simply didn't gave up. The trick is to find the one song you could like. In my case it was "Skin on Skin" from the album "Lullabies to Paralyze" and I kept listening to it more than other songs. And before I even noticed "Little Sister" started to sound quite awesome too, then "You Got a Killer Scene There, Man..." Song after song Queens of the Stone Age just won me over. And you know what? It doesn't lack any edge. It's just a different weapon I'm used to and therefore it took more time to find it.

So next time someone sincerely recommends you a band, give it a honest chance. You might actually surprise.

Just some thoughts

Ever since I switched to Ubuntu I also started to subscribe to Ubuntu/Linux related blogs. I just want to know what is going on now that I'm involved too. Anyway. I was reading UbuntuHQ and it pointed me to CMZ Wire where I read an article titled "Why Isn't Linux Catching on?".

The article was highly criticized in the comments but I think the writer got something right too: in my opinion there are too many distributions too. I just can't help but agree. Without my uncle telling me especially to switch to Ubuntu/Kubuntu I couldn't have done the decision. Not by myself after all, I would have asked someone else to choose for me. But on the other hand, without my uncle pushing me towards Linux it wouldn't even passed my mind in the first place.

The article also claims that Linux is too geeky for the average user. In a way I agree though I'm not sure what is an average user. I have regarded myself as an average user though I guess I'm not. After all, despite the fact that I'm a girl, I downloaded and installed my own Ubuntu. I googled the answers to all of my questions and found my way trough the problems. And if I wasn't so geeky before, I guess that by now I am at least 30% geekier than I was. So I guess Linux is OK for an average user who is already turning geeky.

By the way, why are some girls just so afraid to do something nerdy? Like they refuse for example to do some HTML even when necessary. Do they really think that if they have more advanced computer skills they suddenly start to speak l33t and crack pedobear jokes?

Everything I own I owe you

I wish there was 35 hours in a day. I could sleep as much as I do but still have time to do everything I want to. I don't know how it's possible for me to feel as the time was running out. My only hobby is like sitting right here in front of my laptop and even though I nowadays have friends I don't really meet them so often.

Today I went to my aunt's place with Aleksi. The number one reason for our visit was that my mother had knitted a wool cap for me and my aunt's job was to deliver it to me. But she's not so keen on visiting us so we went there instead. She cooked us dinner and then we just hang out reading magazines and watching TV.

So I got a wool cap. It's nice, thick and gray. And I'm probably never going to wear it since it makes me look like a mushroom. And I like to use my hood when it's cold or rainy. I also got a new book by Paulo Coelho. As I have mentioned, he's one of my favorite authors so it was a nice surprise. I have read it earlier but I like to own the books I love. Anyway. This one is titled "the Zahir".

I also read through two latest issues of Tietokone magazine. I assume that there are non-Finnish readers; Tietokone is some pretty dull magazine about computers and computer related stuff. It's good if you're planning to by a new laptop or a camera like every second week or you're deep in to hardware in any level. But if you're a social girl nerd with just blogging in mind like me then probably it's not for you. But yes, I read it trough because I got free access to it. This is just one short story made too long. I just wanted to say that there was a story about domain registration and I once again thought it would be cool to switch to wordpress.org and blog under an own domain. But it's not going to happen as long as my blog is this crappy.

And J.J. called me! People don't normally call me. They text me, send me emails and IM me. So it was indeed a big surprise. Especially when you take the notice that the last time we spoke irl was like two years ago and even so I'm not sure if we have had like an actual real life conversation. But that's about to change soon since I'm going to pay a visit to his new digs at Tampere and have some quality time with him. I know from my own experience that it's not necessarily easy to click right away in real life when you've spent so many years chatting online but, whatever the truth, it's going to be fun anyway.

I'll build a wall and we can keep them on the other side

I'm not a materialist but I am emotionally attached to many things. What other people would have thrown away I could have secretly treasured. It's not the real value but the memories they bring back to my mind. Often these sacred little things are hidden, unnoticed by outsiders even when they're right there in front of their eyes. But I know they're there. They're the evidence I need to prove myself that good things do exist.

I also realized that I have finally met like the right persons and I have even managed to befriend with all of them. And you know what? It's totally making me happy! Though I'm not sure if happiness is just an urban legend, so let's say it's making me satisfied with my life. But it's crazy how much my state of mind is depending on other people. But I do feel good about myself because I know for sure that I have friends who care for me. I feel as I matter.

But even though my current state of happiness I still have sudden feelings of desperation. And the gap has got bigger. It hits harder and faster, and it surely does feel like being hit. It's psychical. I don't have enough words to describe it, but it does feel like an heart attack; My heart's aching so much I would like to rip it off if I only could.

I can't change what happened

I know. I have had a blogging break. Now get over it so I can begin.

Today I have been smiling alone like a stupid cow. I just realized that there are good things happening to me. Not because of me, not around me. But to me. And it makes me want to forgive the world for being such a shitty place. It's finally giving me something back. But I think I wait and see before I make any decisions.

I bought jeans. I loved my old jeans to bits and pieces so it was a high time to buy new ones. Anyway. I saw these, tried them on, and they felt like me. And now they're mine. But it's funny how I was looking for a loose fit jeans or like bondage/cargo pants (or just anything boyish) and end up buying these quite feminine skinny jeans:



I also met M. and his dog quickly. It seems that I'm taking care of it while M. and his girlfriend are gone to India. I'm actually starting to be quite excited about it. I have planned to get a dog too and this could really give me a good perspective what it is to be a dog owner like in real life. I have had several dogs in my life but it's different when it's your own and you have to take the responsibility alone.

My blogging environment

Little while ago everyone was showing off their blogging environment. I decided it's my turn, even though my blogging environment is nothing glamorous:



Here you can see my laptop, Acer TravelMate 2001LC. It's originally from Huuto.net (like Finnish eBay but with much better functions) so it's second-hand. It's like an old friend and even though I'm planning to get a new one, I probably keep this one too. I'm using an optical mouse with it because I feel text editing difficult without. There is also a book under the back part of my laptop. I just don't like it all flat against the table and the book makes it just perfect.

My laptop is placed on a dinner table. It has enough room for it because there is only two of us and it has seats for four. When I sit on my laptop I have a wall behind my back so it gives me a feeling of privacy. I hate to blog when someone is able to watch me behind my back. Paranoid? Me? The table is always full of stuff, mostly useful stuff like lip conditioner and xylitol gum etc. It's good to have everything close.

When I'm on my laptop I can see our kitchen and our living room at the same time. The kitchen is not like the most inspiring view since it's never clean (expect when my friends are coming over) and the living room could be nicer too. But why bother when I'm mostly staring at the screen anyway? I can also see Aleksi playing Lord of the Rings online. That's not so inspiring either.

OK. Now you've seen my blogging environment it and read about it. I'm sorry it's not fancier. This post could have been better if there really was something to show. If there is something you like to ask, well, just ask.

My first day as an office rat

In the day time I'm a stock worker and normally my working environment consist of giantic metal shelves. I know. It doesn't sound fancy but I really like the place. And my job is anything but physically challenging and all the people there are just great. Anyway. Today I was offered a different type of job, just for a couple of days. They needed some extra help. So suddenly I found myself, not in the middle of shelves, but in a very nice office building. And guess what! I got my own desk and computer. OK, those are actually belonging to someone who's taking a time off, but right now they're totally mine. Anyway. It's really cool.

I put my (crappy) camera phone to a test and took a few pictures for you:





It certainly feels like a promotion: Before I used to take an order list and collect the items on it. Now I'm making those lists and someone else is collecting them. Anyway. It wasn't easy at first since the program I had to use was a mixture of Finnish and Swedish. And I had to use a rollermouse for the first time of my life:



As you can see, there is a bar between the keys and the silver buttons. That's what you're using to navigate (by rolling it and moving it sideways). And those silver buttons work like the buttons from a regular mouse. It was indeed a bit difficult at first but after a moment it became really handy. I was able to hold my pen while navigating and it saved both time and nerves. I also started to master the numpad.

How Ubuntu changed my listening habits

There are two nerds living in this household and it means that we have to have two computers. Except we only have room for one and therefore I'm using a laptop. And I know that there are some regular readers and some friends of mine who still remember how I used to complain about the "killing trio". But to refresh your memory, this is what I wrote during last summer:

I have started to listen to music on my laptop. But my laptop sucks... When I have Winamp, Live Messenger and Firefox open at the same time it slows down quite radically and eventually it's tilting like hell. I don't know if it's really worth the fight.

But later on I have switched to Ubuntu and it allows me to use Rhythmbox, Pidgin, Firefox and many more at the same time without any problems. So now I can really listen to music while nerding on my laptop. Last time it was like a desperate try.

And when I'm listening to something on my laptop, I'm using my in-ear headphones I got for Christmas. It's actually quite unpractical since I'm using them with my mp3-player too and I have to switch them like daily. But is there something you won't do for a better sound quality?

Since Aleksi doesn't hear what I'm listening to, I can listen to whatever I want to. We don't exactly have the same taste what comes to music. I can tolerate pretty much Aleksi is listening to but it doesn't work vice versa. I'm into stuff that Aleksi dislikes or even hates so I can't really listen to it while he's around.

Wait! I said I was using headphones now!

It's like two thirds down: I can play music on my laptop and I have eliminated Aleksi's taste. And the last part is that I'm re-exploring my own taste. I know what I like, but now I'm also constantly trying to find new cool bands to listen to. It's like a project of mine. I have already found several good bands and the search continues. And currently listening to music is like the best thing I know. It's like falling in love over and over again. Sometimes I spend hours staring at the screen just listening to something awesome.

And this is all because I switched to Ubuntu.

What goes around comes around

Gazillion years ago (oh the sound of exaggeration) I thought it was a good idea to write a tutorial about how to modify a Blogger template. I knew that I wasn't exactly the right person to do that but I did it anyway. And it still exists and I still find blogs that are using my original example template but of course modified. I know, it should be a good thing since it points out that I wrote a good tutorial and people are like digging it.

But it's not that simple.

The idea was good in general, what I wrote was probably good enough too. But the code I used was crappy. Back then I knew pretty much nothing about CSS. I knew it was used in Blogger templates and how to modify it to get the results you want. But I knew nothing about validation and like web standards and stuff. And it bothers me. A lot. Thank God they always leave me uncredited. Anyway. I've been thinking that I should rewrite the whole shit because obviously I'm not taking it down. No, I should be recoding it and then rewriting it. Totally.

Speak. Let it out. Breath.

I finally got a cable driver for my Nokia 6111! And it was cheap! And now I can go photoblogging, though my camera phone takes quite crappy pictures. But pictures anyway! I used to post pictures when our digital camera was still in condition and I have been missing that extra touch that a self taken picture can give to a blog ever since. It makes things just a lot more personal.

OK. I'm tired. I guess that when you decide to go for a little walk, you should keep it little and not like turn it to hours long exercise routine. For me walking around randomly is highly addictive and it's nearly impossible to stop before it's too late. It's one of those things I never learn. And I don't want to learn anyway. It's like playgrounds @ nights.

Lately I've been talking a lot with M. at work. He's really good at conversations and it's making me quite jealous. Surely I can speak my heart out but I find it difficult to have like meaningful conversations with like normal human beings. And he knows the right questions nowadays.

This is a little off topic but J.J. was super cute today when he was like totally stressing over some girl he has a crush on. And I guess it's healthy, just in general, to get some prove that boys and girls are quite the same after all.

My New Year's resolution

Our neighbors are throwing like a killer party and I can't think about sleeping in this noise. So instead I'm thinking about New Year's resolutions. Or is it already too late? And I'm forced to listen to VAST. Aleksi shut down our PC so the LAN is like disconnected and VAST is like only music I have on my laptop. It's cool but I feel like listening to something stronger.

Anyway. I'm not really into resolutions. I didn't made any last year and things turned out just fine. I pretty much got everything I always wanted. This year... I guess I only want to get rid of my sadness. I'm just sick of it. I feel as I've been sad through my whole life. I'm just so sick of it.

I'm emotionally totally fucked up. I don't make sense to me. Like when I went to see the fireworks with Aleksi. It should have been like a happy happy thing. And it was. But I can't deny it. At the very same time I just wanted to like slash my wrists so badly. Don't get me wrong, I'm so not suicidal. I just wish I could wipe away my sad existence. Like I was never really here. And it's so crazy. How I really want to live and die at the same time.

I just want to be normal.

And that is going to be my New Year's resolution. To make my life so livable that I don't feel like disappearing anymore. And I'm going to be perfectly normal.