"...like a walk in the rain"

Just a minute ago it was Monday? It's crazy how fast the time goes when you're all grown up and working. And it's crazy how fast you eventually grow up. And how much your self changes within just few years. I don't feel myself old but at work when I'm hanging out with the boys I feel older. It's bugging me a bit since I don't really wanna grow up yet. Not like this anyway.

So today I have mostly been fooling around with my new baby. I tried out different media players but I decided to use Rhythmbox because it has like Last.fm plug-in build-in. I don't really listen to music when I'm on my laptop so though it seems a bit heavier it'll do just fine. I also found out that whoaaaa the LAN is still working! I knew it was possible to have like connection between Linux and Windows but I just didn't expect it to happen by default. It's really important to have a working LAN since there are, for example, no music files on the laptop.

They were playing Annie's Song on the radio. I heard it from a far and I was surprised since it was not anything that Nova usually plays. It's like one of these old love songs I happen to love.

Ubuntu is for dummies

Ever since I started working my laptop has been on a heavy use. The reason is quite obvious: I get home when Aleksi is already at home and he's reserving our PC. So I have no other choice than use my good old laptop. Though it's only old, not good. Anyway. I started to loose my last nerves because the laptop was totally not cooperating with me. It was always bugging and bugging and bugging. And, oh wait, bugging.

So I decided to follow my uncle's advice: I kicked out Windows XP and switched to Ubuntu. I'm really loyal to Windows, as some people are loyal to Apple, so I'm using Linux only temporarily. After Christmas I'm going to buy a new laptop and that new laptop will have like Windows Vista preinstalled. But until that I'm having this affair.

OK. I have nothing against Linux and I can admit it has it's own benefits. But it's not an operating system I could fully operate with. And it has pretty much everything to do with the fact that all the important programs I use are only for Windows. Anyway.

Since Ubuntu is like so popular right now I think that I should say few words about my own experiences so far. Just in case if someone googles for it and ends up here. So these are some cool things I have noticed so far:

1. Ubuntu was really easy and fast to install. Downloading took like 30 minutes and installing other 30 minutes. And after that it was ready to be used.
2. There are lots of good Finnish tutorials availabe on the Internet to get things started. That's good if you're a total Linux n00b.
3. Ubuntu is for dummies. Seriously. Even my mother could use it. And it's probably made for girly girls.
4. I checked out all the Linux messengers but Pidgin is the best. It's far from Windows Live Messenger 2008, but it's still totally bearable.
5. Firefox starts unbelievably quickly. It looks and feels a bit different but it's still a Firefox. Though I'm going to try some other Linux browsers too simply because I can.
6. There are like two works spaces you can use and it's like totally cool but hard to explain. I'm so going to miss that functionality.
7. Switching is painless if you only need a good browser and an instant messenger.

Good deeds

I just watched MTV's "My Sweet Sixteen" and I don't know what kind of losers they have as translators. There was this man and the English caption said very clearly that he was some one's brother-in-law. But the Finnish subtitle said he was some one's half brother. Not exactly the same thing, right? If I know it and they don't, they should hire me instead.

By the way, I have been donating rice by playing FreeRice. It's like this super easy word game in which they give you a word and you have to find a matching synonym. And every correct answer will donate like ten grains of rice for those who need it. So you can get smarter and do something important and good at the same time. So far I have donated 6210 grains of rice.

Today I gave a scarf to a colleague of mine. She gave me a compliment on Friday when I was wearing my black scarf as poncho. And since I happened to have the very same scarf in white too I asked if she wanted to have it. I never wear white anyway so it was completely useless. So today I gave her the white scarf and she liked it so much that later she gave me some gingerbread. I don't really like gingerbread so I shared it with the boys. But it was a nice thing to do for sure.

Today I also delivered J.R. the Advent calendar I made him like ages ago. It was part of the DIY project I mentioned earlier. Originally J.R. gave the idea. I can recall myself whining something about the sucky non-chocolate Advent calendar my mom gave me and that he said that he would be just pleased if someone gave him one. And few days later when I was watching an extremely dull movie I came up with the idea of self-made Advent calendars. Anyway. There is still one Advent calendar I should made but... I have ate most of it's content.

I like to do nice things and I try to do nice things as often as I find possible. It's like the only thing I'm truly good at. And I have this theory that if you do a lot of nice things some day someone does nice things for you too. And I'm just waiting for the day when all my good deeds will be rewarded.

Bad hair day? Not.

My aunt likes to say nasty things about my hair. Sometimes she's unbelievably frank. Like she had no boundaries or whatsoever. Anyway. Last time I saw her like two days ago she said that my hair is just plain ugly and that I should have at least half cut off. I rarely comment back since I know it's useless. She wants my hair to be all shiny and sleek. And I want it to be just the way it is now. Though it could grow even longer and be even more messier.

B&W

Yesterday morning we travelled to Viiala. The reason for our relatively short trip was my uncle's surprise birthday party. They like to throw surprise parties there. Anyway. Most of the time I played PlayStation 2 by myself. It was one of those games where you simply drive and try not to hit anything and I was quite good at it. I always want to play video games when I get a chance.

At night we played 90's edition of Trivial Pursuit. The questions were super tricky and even guessing seemed to be impossible. Aleksi eventually won but it took a long time and lots of wrong answers. I have to say that the original version with most modern questions is always the best choice. Special editions go too specific.

My family knows that I'm such a nerd. But what they know not is that being a nerd isn't so black and white. My brother-in-law started to ask me some questions about WLAN and I was like "why you're asking me, I don't know". But I guess that people who are not familiar with nerdism think that if you know something nerdy you must know everything. Should I like make a nerdy business card? You know, to do something to define my areas of expertise.

Colon P

I have not posted since Tuesday. I have started to blog but my posts have not came out the exact way I have wanted so I didn't post them. So practically I have been blogging daily but I just have not actually published anything. Anyway. I just thought I should scribble something since I'm not sure if I have another chance to blog until like Monday. Or Sunday. But it's a long time, at least for me.

So far this has been a good weekend. I spent my day with X. He uses a codename for me and since this is indeed a public blog I though I should use one for him too. At least for now.

So, today I hang out with X. I made us tea but I don't know what I did wrong (again!) and it was way too lame. I couldn't even finish mine. And then we did nothing, which is the best thing to do if you ask me. And of course we talked nerdy and goofy and stuff. Super.

Since this post is already mostly about X, I though I could go even further. Like add some though here too:

I have noticed that it's a bit difficult for me to but together the real life X and the online X. The online X is the one who knows all my secrets and the real life X is the one I hang out with. And it's quite extreme to think they're actually just one person. What will happen after a time: does one fade away or do they become one? Either way, I hope our friendship remains. "Colon P".

Now I'm off to bed. Gotta travel tomorrow!

Go call the press!

I just had my first Messenger conversation with my sister! She's becoming normally nerdy. I wonder how long it takes until she finds my blog. She knows IRC-galleria and she now knows my online name. It's like 1+1. But it doesn't matter because a) I can't recall writing anything bad about her and b) even if she finds this I doubt she doesn't understand English well enough to read this anyway.

Yay Monday!

I'm such a nolife: mostly I hate weekends. I got two reasons: I always plan to do something useful, like something seriously nerdy. But instead I spend whole weekend reading blogs, and well, blogging. It's fun, but that's what I do every day anyway. And the second reason is that weekends make me feel guilty: I should be meeting friends and having like fun! But normally I'm just way too lazy to organize anything. You know how much energy and strength it requires when you're not like socially skilled? Like you really have to force yourself to be active.

So could you like cancel weekends? I could work every day.

Please?

What point? Do you really need one?

I started my first DIY project for this Christmas! Whoo! But it's going to be a surprise.

And Hannes: start blogging. Immediately!

Hanz sanoo:
Hannes mesettää, "irkkaa", kattoo hc pokee ja jopa elokuvia, siksi hänellä on minun fucking soneraliittymä.

My original plan was to collect all the embarrassing comments that Hannes have ever said to me, and later copypaste them all back to him. But he gave me a better idea: "kokoot kirjan ja nolaat mut julkisesti".

Funny coincidence

I went for a very long walk today. I felt like was my head was going to explode. Sometimes Aleksi drives me crazy simply by existing. Anyway. I put some super numbing music to my mp3-player and just walked trough the places I knew could calm me down. And I do feel better now, thanks to the freezing air.

OK. Now I'm going to make a presentation how one thing leads to an other and how everything is still connected:

J.R. gave me a ride home yesterday and he was listening to a Mors Principium Est. Though I never got the name right but I did heard "est" and some Latin mumble which I knew was enough to find out more from Last.fm. I'm always quite interested about what other people are listening but I never really dare to ask. That's why we have Last.fm anyway, for ultimate music stalking experience.

By the way, it's quite funny how no one really speaks Latin but how it's still so widely used. Amoena is a Latin word too, and it should be pronounced like "a-mee-na", not like "a-mo-e-na". People always get it wrong. But Latin pronunciation my pants though it's quite simple. I studied some basics of Latin in high school in-case-you-didn't-know.

OK. Back to music then.

Pretty much first thing I noticed when I was doing my quick MPE research was that they got a cover of Hijo de la luna. And it's not just any song for me. Hijo De La Luna was the reason why I started to study Spanish. And I chose which High School to go based on the fact I wanted to study Spanish there. And because I loved that song so much I learned how to play it on my keyboard (the instrument, you know) and I do play it A LOT.

So I call this a funny coincidence.

It was quite hard to get the MPE version of Hijo de la luna but I just kept adding Finnish hubs until I found it. And I guess I was a bit lucky since I only find one user who had it but I got a free slot almost immediately. They could have done the cover better, though. Their Spanish pronunciation is a bit... out there. And it didn't fit the over all album at all. But I guess that the Japanese don't care for such things.

PS: Aleksi said he couldn't understand the "my pants" part. "My pants" means like "couldn't care less".

Personal shit vol. 3

I was bullied at school for six years. And it was six long years ago. I'm still not healed and I wonder if I ever will. I still think about it daily. I have started to forget faces or what they did to me. But I never forget how they made me feel.

They made a permanent black hole in me and it's sucking all the good things away. I know it's something that only other victim will truly understand. How you feel broken forever and ever no matter how hard you try to fix yourself.

I just wish they could see me now, see inside my head and really understand what they did to me. And then they could tell me if it was really worth it.

As an outcome of my heavily beating heart

I have read so many times how some people find daily blogging like extremely hard, not because the lack of time but inspiration. Since I have blogged daily for a while now I started to think where do I get my inspiration.

I'm not sure if I can speak about inspiration when it comes to me, I think I rather speak about blogging mentality. This is quite hard to explain, but sometimes I think I live to blog and blog because I live. I'm not seeking for an inspiration, I'm living it. And I don't have to live a life full of excitements, just having feelings is enough. Whatever moves me, no matter the direction, ends up here. It can be a word, an expression on someones face, a colour... Simply anything If only it makes me feel something.

And I have programmed myself to respond by blogging. It's like an alarm in my head: you gotta blog this, you gotta blog this! So loud and clear, no questions asked.

It comes naturally, as I have said earlier.

Offer

I was going to sketch something but Aleksi got home and I simply can't work when I'm not alone. Anyway. I just rambled trough some of my ai. files when I found this:



(Click to enlarge)

It's a template sketch I made little while ago. It's not really my style, I just wanted to go a bit experimental with light colours and fading white. But since it's not like awful I thought I could make an offer here:

If you like the design above and you blog on Blogger (classic template required), feel free to contact me: amoenaonline at gmail dot com. I can make it happen to your blog for free. And it won't take long.

PS: I do custom blog designs in general too, but be warned that I do have a waiting list and I AM LAZY.

Moi?

My jaw is like locked again. I can't open my mouth without enormous pain. This kinda sucks but at least I was able to eat my müesli bar at work without twisting my face badly. But you know what really sucks? Brushing teeth! You have to open and close your mouth like gazillion times in a row. And it huuuurts.

Anyway. I had a very good moment at work: It was like 16.50 and I had nothing left to do so I started goofing around with a duster. I don't know if it makes any sense but for the first time for a long time I felt truly like myself, I was happy and totally free from all my worries. Just for like 10 minutes but the memory of it will last longer.

And it made me feel very positive! I feel like everything is going to be fine! Naturally everything will go downhill and fast (Pessimist? Me?) but right now I'm really holding on to this. This feels good. If only I could be like this forever.

"And if I had one wish fulfilled tonight I'd ask for the sun to never rise".

And now to the news: I think I have the new name for this blog, and a quite funny tag line too. I just gotta do some sketching to find out how it really fits.

PS: The quote above is from a song titled 03:45 No Sleep.
PPS: How many spelling errors, factual errors and just errors in general can I fit in one post? I always check my posts to infinity but I always find something to fix.

I thought I was a fool for no-one oh baby I'm a fool for you

I think I have dysthymia. It makes sense to me. Anyway.

I wish I could finally meet someone who wants to like adopt me. By this I mean that I would love to meet one person who would ask me out and who would like introduce me to other people and so on. Who would like me to be there. Basically I would like to meet someone who does what I do: ask me to come over.

And yes, I have been listening to Supermassive Black Hole by Muse.

Bitter update

My mother asked me what I want for my birthday. It was like ages ago. I said quite simply that I want a cable driver for my Nokia 6111 and nothing else. Only that and I wanted it badly. And guess what I got: clothes from flea market and underwear. None of them was wrapped. Hooray? What is the point of asking if you don't even listen? I was quite sure that they like got me one since they have had the time to found out where to get one and stuff. And I was so excited that I could go like photoblogging!

But it's so crispy!

I'm on my laptop again. This is already bugging like hell and I'm only writing! I think I should buy a new laptop sooner than I thought. Maybe after Christmas? Anyway. I like to update with this shit because this shit gives me more privacy and I kinda like this keyboard better.

I have been on a good mood today and I have also been laughing a lot. The best moment was at work on a break when O. told us with very descriptive sounds and gestures what he would like to do to a computer: "I would throw it out of the windows and get like a car and like drive over it several times". And I was laughing with J.R. because that's definitely not how we see computers. I guess that O. itself missed the biggest joke since he's not yet aware of our hidden geek powers.

Has anyone noticed that I post like on a daily basis nowadays? When did this happen and when did I get this addicted to blogging? By the way I'm totally addicted to crispbread too. It's like all I eat at home and I'm eating plenty of it. Just imagine our floors...

Out there

Today some crazy kid shot eight other kids dead at school and it's all over the news. I can understand the fuzz around it. It's a big deal. But like we didn't saw this coming. It was just a matter of time and now it happened. Anyway. Since there has been enough "oh it's so terrible" and stuff I'm going to take a different view:

I think it's a great way to die. Just like that, when you least expect it. When you're still young. You just get shot, die and suddenly you're free from all from your worries. Like you never even existed. And everyone would say "oh it's such a tragedy". But it's a tragedy only for those who keep living after it. So I feel sorry for the families who lost a member, and for the friends who lost a friend. But I don't feel sorry for the victims. It's not a lost for them. It's the end.

What after life?

Anyway. There is a new design out by me. I made it for Aberdeen Diaries. Gotta give some credit to BenBlogged for Free Organic Vector Set (humming bird and leaves) and to BlogU once again for double vision sidebar titles. By the way I thought I noticed a minor bug but suddenly it's gone. Bit confusing since I was going to fix it.

The killing trio

Yesterday when I was on my way to grocery store I came up with this perfect idea for a blog name. It was exactly what I wanted: simple and nerdy. I was quite excited about it. But when I got home and googled for it I found out it was already taken. There was already a blog with the same name and it even had a matching .com domain. So I'm back to square one.

But it was darn good anyway.

I have started to listen to music on my laptop. But my laptop sucks... When I have Winamp, Live Messenger and Firefox open at the same time it slows down quite radically and eventually it's tilting like hell. I don't know if it's really worth the fight.

Quite crazy but I love blogs

There should be like 12110 blogs on Blogilista. How come you can't find anything decent to read from there? I'm not interested in knitting, nor cooking. And fashion... not really. I try to check recently updated blogs and new blogs regularly but so far I have found nothing good enough to read. Where are all the good blogs hiding?

OK. Maybe I'm just greedy. I already read about 20 blogs via Livejournal, about 20 blogs via Blogilista and 40 blogs via Google Reader. And let's just not mention my Bloglines account where about 160 Finnish fashion blogs go hiding (I collect them but I read only very few of them). And then I read Stylebytes and Skinny Website. Quite crazy but I love blogs.

Mysterious Skin (2004)

Yesterday I watched Mysterious Skin alone. I have seen it earlier but I wanted to see it again since it's one of my favourites. It's very disturbing and sometimes even painful to watch but always totally worth it. This is how the story starts:

The summer I was 8 years old, 5 hours disappeared from my life. 5 hours. Lost. Gone without a trace. Last thing I remember I was sitting on the bench... at my Little League game. It started to rain. What happened after that remains a pitch black void.

Brian thinks that during those lost hours he was abducted by aliens. Even ten years after he keeps having nightmares, nosebleeds and blackouts. He's determined to find out the whole truth. And then there is Neil, former victim of pedophilia and current teenage prostitute. Two boys totally different: one can't remember, the other can't forget. Eventually they discover the truth together.






Trailer (Quicktime HQ)

When I watched this movie for the first time, I didn't see it right from the beginning. I was just surfing through channels until I bumped into this. I just couldn't change the channel anymore. Mysterious Skin was so haunting but yet so beautiful. Day later I downloaded it and watched it trough and it still got my full heart.

And now to the warnings: In Finland this was K-18 (for people aged 18 years and above). So if you're extremely sensitive, simply don't watch this. This movie contains violence, explicit language, child abuse, prostitution and quite vulgar gay sex scenes.

It's like totally mainstream black metal trash but I'm into it

It's snowing!

I said to Hannes that I would like to find more good music to listen to. And he said to me that it happens like once in a year and since I already found Sturm und drang... Such a pessimist. But I guess I'm just incredibly lucky. I found Fair To Midland. I have known it for a while now but Aleksi said to me that their album sucks so I didn't really listen to it. Until now and they're cool. They keep adding all kinds of magical twists into their songs. It's like totally out there sometimes. It's like Muse mixed with alternative metal and bedtime stories.

And I have started to listen to Dimmu Borgir again. I guess it's definitely something people don't normally expect me to listen to. And it's like totally mainstream black metal (nowadays I've heard it's called as "symphonic extreme metal") trash but I have been into it for years. I even have Dimmu Borgir badge on my jacket sleeve. I know it's not a girly thing to do but I'm not a real lady anyway. And that Timberlake gay makes me yaaaaawn. I like attitude and noise. But only in music though.

It's quite funny how I have started to blog about music even though the whole world knows that I have the worst taste of music ever.

Mild nerd alert

I just suddenly remembered than I'm using Greasemonkey. Greasemonkey is a Firefox extension which "allows you to customize the way a web page displays using small bits of JavaScript". So first you gotta have Firefox and then you gotta get Greasemonkey and then you gotta choose the userscripts you wanna use. But it's still extremely easy.

I heard about Greasemonkey via BlogU when I was searching for some specific Blogger hack. Anyway. There was a post titled "Make your template editor larger" and I was like YES PLEASE. And then I died and went to heaven. It was quite difficult to use the template editor before because it was so small. With "Blogger large template editor user script" it was like using Notepad but with a nice preview button.

OK. Today I searched for more userscripts and below is what I have found so far. I have already tried them all and they're all working fine.

• Mail 2 Gmail: makes mailto links open in Gmail. This is the coolest. You can actually click those links now and send the mail you wanted.

• Gmail Super Clean: Another Gmail script. I have never liked the way the Gmail looked so I didn't really used it much. But with this appearance enhancing userscript I might start using it. It's not like totally awesome but it's definitely an improvement.
  

• Last.fm - Hide "My Radio" + "My Playlist" Sections: If you use Last.fm as I do, you'll probably want to use this userscript too. It makes profile pages to look much cleaner.

• Photobucket Log Me In Already: I use Photobucket nearly daily, so this may save few seconds of my life. I normally go directly to my album anyway. But if accident happens.

You see I got a high score tonight and I just wanna save my game

I feel numb but in a good way. I guess this upcoming winter is making me calmer. Or maybe I'm just getting older. Who knows. Sometimes I think I'm blessed. And sometimes that I'm possessed. I can't tell the difference from where I am standing.

I use Del.icio.us to bookmark things. It's like super when you have two computers and have a bad habit of bookmarking everything interesting enough. Anyway. I still have some really old "old school" bookmarks too and I just clicked some of them randomly. And that's how I bumped into this video:



I have no idea where I have found this video since I never ramble trough Google Videos spontaneously. But I'm glad I saved the link.