I will name you

I'm normally really good with words and stuff but now when I have seriously decided to rename this blog I'm suddenly out of ideas. It's making me really frustrated because it holds back the new design too. Header is like the main part of the blog so it's quite hard to design one if you have like zero ideas about what you're gonna put in it.

I would like the new name to be zillion times more personal than this current one. I should have named this properly when I decided to go vanity blogging on Blogger too. Or maybe better to rename this now when I'm more serious with this. Ever since I stopped metablogging I have been more excited about this blog. I just didn't have enough energy to update both. So I'm not like regretting about quitting though it was a good blog too. At a time it was the only Finnish frequently updated metablog. And that's something.

Blah

It's nearly November. Soon it's going to be cold and dark and wet. I guess I should start to stock tea for the upcoming winter. And few candles too.

I have started to redesign this blog. Now it's official. I was going to recode this anyway so why not redesign too. This takes time though since I'm stuck with my super slow laptop when Aleksi is playing LOTRo and he's playing pretty much all the time. And I need our PC to use Adobe Illustrator. Blah.

I'm not a skanky anorexic bitch

My mom calls me pretty much every Sunday. And every time she tells me that I should eat this and that and just more. It's quite annoying. I'm 21 years old and I have decided myself what to eat since forever and guess what? I'm still alive! And I'm not a skanky anorexic bitch so I would appreciate if I could just eat what I want when I want.

I know that I don't do daily dinners. But I can't understand why it is a such a bad thing since I do eat other stuff a lot. Could someone explain me what happens to a carbohydrate when you warm it? It must be something super cool since it immediately becomes more healthier.

I don't do dinners because when you do you eat plenty of food at one time. And when I eat as much as a dinner requires it makes me feel sick. For the rest of the day. I rather eat only small portions, nearly snacks, but more often. And so I feel good.

Mysterious days

I got two new subscribers on Blogilista. That makes four subscribers all in all. I can understand why some of my friends and relatives read this blog but I just can't understand why all these random (?) people subscribe to me. I bet you don't last long!

/EDIT: Now there is only one new subscriber. Do they push the "add to favourites" button by accident? Or do they just give up on me so quickly? Or maybe I just scare them away simply by saying something negative? So mysterious...

Nerdism is a serious lifestyle

Yesterday I stayed up late watching Zodiac with Aleksi and J.R. and therefore I woke up about 1pm today. I usually wake up between 10am and 12am. It's quite funny how this day is over before it even started. I spent like an hour watching some Drew Barrymore document from TV (you should never open the TV spontaneously) and then I showered myself. And then it took like zillion hours to get ready for the grocery shopping. We finally ate at six.

Anyway. Yesterday I also discussed about different types of nerds with J.R. and now I'm going to blog under the same topic. Just for a little bit. I'm not turning this post to an essay.

So what makes a nerd? Owning a computer? Knowing how to handle one? Not exactly. Nerdism is a serious lifestyle which definitely is not for everyone, it requires an ability to live without a real social life. I'm not saying that all nerds are antisocial and live a life of an hermit. But since nerds happen to have a very close relationship with their computers it's kinda hard to go out there and live at the same time. So a certain level of introvertism is always obligatory to success as a nerd.

But it's not just the personality, it's also what you're into. You should feel passionate about computers and Internet and other technical stuff. So passionate that you simply couldn't live without. And if you're that passionate you have no problem spending all your spare time online. Or whatever nerdy stuff you're into.

And then there are of course different types of nerds. It's just silly to assume that all the nerds are the same. There is actually huge difference between different nerd types. They all share the same passion but the outcome is what defines what each nerd is about.

I call myself as a social girl nerd. Sex matters in this game so that's why add the "girl" in the definition. You could generalize that the most nerdish girl is always less nerd than the least nerdish boy. So I'm really nerd for a girl but if I was a boy all the real nerds would be like laughing at me for being such a lousy nerd. (It's actually quite funny. When I talk to other girls or antinerds they think that I'm a huge nerd. If they only knew.)

And what makes me a social nerd? Because mostly I use computers as a form of communication. I want to connect. I want to take part. I get my kicks from blogs, emails and IM's and pretty much from everything that has something to do with other people. And I talk with my friends mostly online though I could meet them offline as easily.

Latter Days

I haven't write a movie "review" for a while, so I thought it's time to make one. This movie happens to be my all time favourite so I hope you consider watching it.

There are two types of good movies. Some movies are good because of all the money and time they have spent while making it. You know, these Oscar-worthy movies. You go and see them, you feel amazed but afterwards you feel... nothing.

And then there are these movies that weren't supposed to be masterpieces. Just told stories. And sometimes some story hits you hard and changes you. And those movies I call good. It doesn't have to had Scarlet Johansson in it or killer stunts. Sometimes more simple things work.

And Latter Days is one of those more simple movies. It's definitely not a masterpiece but it's something extraordinary. It's a gay romance. Now you're warned. But if you think it's all about gay relationships and that is what makes it so special, you're totally wrong. "It's beautiful. And funny. And good." And a bit heartbreaking too.

Normally I would write something about the plot and characters myself, but this time I use a direct copy from latterdaysmovie.com. I think they say it more clearly:

Christian (Wes Ramsey), a hunky, 20-something, West Hollywood party boy gets more than he bargains for when he tries to seduce 19-year-old Elder Aaron Davis (Steve Sandvoss), a sexually confused Mormon missionary who moves into his apartment complex. When Christian exposes Davis' secret sexual desire, Davis' rejects Christian for being shallow and empty, The encounter shatters each boy's reality and draws the two into a passionate romance that risks destroying their lives. Latter Days is a charming, sexy, and moving tale that will leave you believing in the transformational power of love.

"And what if everything has changed like that... and lions lay down with lambs and colors mix with whites. What if you're the one that I've been waiting for my whole life and I let you go?"

30 minutes

It takes 30 minutes to get bored when you're lonely and have absolutely nothing to do.

Sometimes I think that I'm smarter than I think. But what I think is not so smart when said out loud. Anyway. Today I thought that being an human is, at least for me, an endless search. I'm always searching, mostly to find any kind of connection with someone with similar mind but also for a meaning for my life. I know it's a cliche but I would really like to know what the hell I'm doing here since I happen to loathe living.

It takes 30 minutes to write a shitty blog post.

Aleksi's Birthday

Yesterday was Aleksi's birthday. He turned 23. When did this happen? Last time I checked he was like 18. Sometimes it's hard to believe that we have been together for nearly five years now. Time goes so fast so it's hard to keep track.

When ever we want to celebrate, we go to Marhaba. So yesterday, naturally, we went there for pizzas. Then we walked back to Sello. Aleksi bought a gym shirt and a birthday present for his dad (they have the same date of birth). And I bought a birthday present for Aleksi.

I bought him a G15 gaming keyboard by Logitech. I wanted it too though I'm not into games. I'm into shortcuts and macros. Anyway. It's kinda cool tool and I'm going to review it later.

Egocentric babbling you happen to like

I just spent my day with Elina. Not literally though. We spoke via MSN Messenger. We had some serious girl talk which I enjoyed a lot. All my good friends are boys so I don't talk so often about shoes or make-up or stuff. Though I'm quite boyish I think it is important to look like a girl and you know, understand girls stuff. Life is more than pure geekiness and every now I got to get in touch with my feminine side. But luckily... not often.

Elina is blogging too, actually she has two blogs but she has troubles with updating. It's not easy if you're not as experienced. Anyway. Somehow we end up chatting little bit about blogging too. This is something she said:

mut musta on yllättävää miten usein sä postaat välillä ja silti ne tekstit on ihan kiinnostavia. itte suoltaisin varmana jotain tosi tylsää jos useemmin postaisin

(I think it is surprising how often you post and how your posts are still interesting. I would probably post something very boring if I was trying to post more often.)

It's not easy to post. Specially if you don't have anything going on in your life. But I have blogged for a very long time. I used to be much more into personal blogging when I was younger. For over a year I updated my blog (my first serious one) on a daily basis. And you know how they say that you should write daily if you're serious about writing. I guess I was then though I never wrote a Nobel winning novel. And after that year I kept updating very often. More often than I do now. Anyway. I'm trying to say that I have done my homework. So when I update my blog it happens very naturally. I don't have to push it. If I don't feel like posting, I wont. But of course I always do.

Elina also said this:

sulla on vaa jotenki kiva persoonallinen ääni niissä vaikka ne oiski lyhyitä

(You just have this like personal voice in your post even when they're short)

Seriously? What kind of conspiracy is this? Elina is not the first one who says something like this, I have received at least two comments here saying the pretty much same. Personal voice? You mean this egocentric babbling? Ha!

Dumb blonde 4 life

I got some good news today. There was only one week of work left but my colleague (other monkey who collects stuff) said that our boss said that we can work there pretty much as long as we want. Which is awesome because I really dig the place. Not to mention the free beverages.

I always take the longest way home from work. It's not only because the buss stop of 110t is closer to my work than other buss stops but because I want more time to think before I get home. I know it sounds a bit crazy but for me it's reality. I need to spend a lot of time alone because thinking is my obsession. And it's official. When I was high school I went to shrink like twice (total waste of time by the way) and she said that I have so much problems because I think way too much.

Today I thought that I should use the energy I'm currently spending on thinking to something more meaningful. Let's just face it, I'm not the smartest girl around here. I know a lot of stuff but it's not like stuff that people appreciate. So I could spend more time studying something or at least I could start reading news. I could be aware what is happening around me. Since at the moment I'm only familiar with Mememeland...

BUT.

I don't think it's important to know things like who's the president of Sweden (if there was a president). Trivial things like that have no value in my life since they won't make me happy. And for me the happiness is the aim.

So I guess I have chosen a different path: In my opinion what truly matter is how we live our life and how we treat people around us. I may be a dumb blonde (my other colleague though this was my natural hair colour...) for the rest of my life but I expect people to like me for what I am instead of what I happen to know.

Oh-so

I felt like a second post. Mainly because Hannes is not online.

Hannes said that I have been doing all kind of radical things lately. Which is so not true. I don't know where he get the idea or does he think that I'm even more boring than I am? I doubt that since he knows me well. He would never think that breathing is like totally out there for me.

But it led me to think how people usually get the wrong impression when meeting me. I may seem like a very confident person, but in the reality I'm very insecure and vulnerable. I think that they get the impression because I'm very outspoken. But that's only because I hate everything phony. I think it's better to say things as they are even if it's harsh. And I like talking.

And another wrong impression is if people think that because I'm oh-so-confident and oh-so-talkative I have like oh-so-amazing social life. OK, maybe I do have like someone to live with but it's not like we're having all these great conversations. Definitely not. I hardly ever leave the house, I hardly ever see anyone IRL (mainly because no one invites me anywhere, I would go if someone does so), I hardly ever do anything except when I spend time on my PC/laptop or watch movies... I could say that I have no social life, or even that I have no life at all.

I guess my best talent is convincing. It's easy for me to convince people to believe that I have like everything you could ever hope for. Which I of course don't have.

I hate wrong first impressions. I want people to know the real me. That's why I'm so open about myself. No disappointments or nasty surprises then. Can't blame me.

Blogging it

Today I talked a bit about blogging with J.R. I basically said that I have been blogging for years, which of course is true and that my current blog (this one right here) is very easy to find. He said that he would try, though I'm not sure if he has enough stalking potential to do so. We'll see.

Every time there is a chance that someone I know starts to read my blog, I start to think what this blog is about. Why I blog and what kind of image my blog gives of me. Am I the same as my blog persona? I was really into these thoughts on my way home but now I'm just too tired to write anything smart.

I have always thought this blog as an extension of me. Blogging is simply something I got to do. It's a habit. It defines me. But I always always always keep this very shallow. So I guess it's not possible to get to know me just by reading my blog. Or you should be able to read between lines. What is not there? What is not mentioned here?

Protect yourself from what?

I just bumped into this cool commercial when I was surfing through some blogs and I felt that this is something I should post:



But when I went to ffyr.mtv.com which was mentioned in the commercial all I found was like HIV and AIDS stuff. I found it a bit odd. But I guess it would be "too much" for MTV to be openly pro homosexuality. Or maybe I just misunderstood the message.

Nerdy stuff

My mum is such a nerd. Yesterday she called me and she was oh so excited because she finally learned how to handle the mouse! I'm quite happy that they finally got broadband. It makes my life easier too because now I can talk to my friends and blog when I'm at Viiala. I wonder if my mother could learn some instant messaging as well... or even blogging. Anyway. She said that this nerdy stuff is definitively something she is going to learn. And it makes me wanna go there and teach her.

By the way, we are going to get a new keyboard. I promised to buy one for Aleksi as a birthday present. But I'm going to blog more about it when we actually have it. I just wanted to mention it here since I wrote some other nerdy stuff too.

I don't know what to think about Britney's Gimme More music video. I have started to like the song but the video is just too slutty. She's like a mother of two nowadays so I don't think it's appropriate to do what she does on the video. And Youtube wanted to know if I was 18 before I could watch it.

Note to self

Don't walk. Wait for the buss.

Blogging news

I decided to stop updating my metablog "Terapiaa Blogillesi". I guess I just got bored since I don't feel like writing about blogging anymore. I loved that blog and it was going to make the break any time soon but I guess it's better to stop now than later.

Anyway. I have been thinking about redesigning this blog. And I have been thinking about renaming this as well. But when I really think about it I'm not so sure anymore. I have had this name and design for a very long time, but in some strange way I'm really attached to this as it is.

Decisions, decisions.

Only A-list VIP super cool and just like me friends

I had my Birthday "party" yesterday. Hannes and J.R. came over and we played the Amazeing Labyrinth (I love this one), the Master Labyrinth, Skip-Bo and Trivial Pursuit. I only won one game but I'm not so into winning, especially when I'm the host. I had a lot of fun and I can tell that the boys were enjoying too. This is something that we all have to do again. And again.

I've been reading Szilvias blog. And now you probably wonder who the hell is Szilvia and why I keep mentioning her. But she's my friend and she's a blog lover and she blogs too so I think there are plenty of reasons to keep mentioning her. Anyway. Se wrote that she's not so good at making friends. This is a quote from her blog:

In the past 4 years I have became quite good in making friends. I have found real friends, and nice ones. But one aspect of my mother's influence still remained: I can still lose my faith if someone not behaves right, (eg, my friend can have a bad day too), and does something differently, and I can get hurt so easily, and begin to doubt the whole thing. So there is still place for improving. But I am doing better and better.

Dear Szilvia, I'm so happy that you wrote that! I have wrote something similar too in the past:

Yesterday I learned who my real friends are. I'm glad that things turned out this way. I wonder why people don't get this right. There is nothing complicated in this really. If you try to fuck with me, it's bye bye baby. I don't tolerate lying, I don't tolerate bad behavior. If you want to be my friend you better act like one too.

But it's just so true. I can loose my trust in a blink of an eye and I guess that then there is nothing in the world to get it back. I just want to trust. I don't mess with people so I expect people not to mess with me. I'm into honesty. I rather have no friends at all than have friends who cannot be trusted. I know it's harsh but I can't see any other way. Well, I've heard that there is this forgiving but I guess it's hard to do if no one apologies. And usually it goes that way.

And now to the happier things. Unlike Szilvia, I have always been good at making friends. My problem is that there is only very few people I like to befriend. I don't want B-list friends, only A-list VIP super cool and just like me friends. They're hard to catch, you can bet! But I'm blessed to have the skill though.

But I'm bad at keeping friends. And I guess that Szilvia is only one who's going to read this trough. And not because she's interested but because she wants to count how many times I have mentioned her.

Twentysomething

It is my birthday today. I'm 21 years old now. I don't know what to do with these years. I never grow up. It's just waste of time. I still feel like a child. I still need someone to look after me.

My mother send me a text message. It said "Happy Birthday to a 22-year old". I was like "thanks mom but I'm turning 21". But all the other messages were very nice.

And I'm throwing a small birthday party. All my (2) friends are invited and they are all coming. I'm going to ask J.R. too but I'm not sure if he's interested at all. But four is always better than three when you're playing board games so it's worth a chance.

Aleksi gave me a bath robe. I asked for a new one so I was pleased.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Yesterday we went to see the Bourne Ultimatum. Aleksi wanted to see it and I had nothing against it. And we got the tickets for free. It was a treat from my aunt.

The Bourne Ultimatum is the last movie of a trilogy (I hope I got this right). I was never so excited about the two first ones. Mainly because I saw them with crappy subtitles and on our own TV. But basically I'm totally into action movies. And for me the Bourne Ultimatum is like an ultimate action movie but with more complicated plot.

There is this guy called Bourne and some bad people messed with his mind and eventually he becames a total mess. And then he breaks free and tries to hide from those guys. But then they kill his girlfriend and he wants revenge. And in this last movie he is about to end it all. I like how it is made as a trilogy even though you could deal all these things in one movie too.

I have never really liked Mat Damon though he's a very good actor indeed. He's just not my type since he always lacks a lot of sympathy. Anyway. He hardly says a word in this movie. He just kills people who come to his way or looks serious. And in my honest opinion Julia Stiles is ugly and can't really act. But though it has these two actors in leading roles I find it very enjoyable to watch.

OK. Maybe I shouldn't babble this much. I'm totally putting you off the mood.

So the actors are quite from the B-list what comes to my taste but the plot is very thick. And it looks so good it nearly hurts. I'm totally into movies that look like self recorded and have all these warm colours. Action movies can be artsy too.

Here is a trailer for you:

Surprise

My last update was like 15 days ago. But like Szilvia said to me, my life has changed so it's only natural that I have not updated my blog for a while. I have been busy with my new job and tired after it so blogging has definitely not been the first thing on my mind. But that is about to change now.

I guess you would like to hear about my new job. What I do is actually really simple: I take a list of all kind of dental instruments and such. Then I go and get every item marked on the list and brought them back to the center of the warehouse where someone packs them and send them forward. So basically I collect together everything that people have ordered from Oriola. It doesn't sound so exciting but I really enjoy doing it. And I was so glad to hear that I can stay there three weeks longer than I was supposed to. And maybe even longer.

So now when I'm working instead of studying I have plenty of cash. Well not exactly right now but after few months. I have already made plans to buy these things: new lap top, a puppy, second pair of glasses and a wrist watch. But I have also been thinking about reinventing my style. But I really don't know which direction to go. Currently I'm into rock (and punk) style but I'm more and more into street style too. Not to mention that I would like my style to be a bit boho and chic too! And I only like to wear black. I seriously need a stylist. Or a girl friend.

I have no ideas why I have all this problems with clothes. I have never been into fashion nor liked shopping. I would like to but I just can't feel any passion for such things. And it makes me feel less girly and a bit isolated too.

By the way, this blog is also supposed to deal my weight. I have gained some but I have also lost some. I'm going down which is good. As long as I keep it that way. I don't know why I let myself gain so much but I guess it was the free cake. I'm still biking a lot and my job is very physical. I burn a lot calories without really exercising which is definitely a plus since I hate exercising. And believe it or not, I have build leg muscles. Which I guess is supposed to be good news but in my opinion they are the most hideous muscles ever. They make my legs look really weird.

I never said that is is going to be a good update. This was just an update.